Being a Mom comes with strange emotions

Tonight as I laid my son down for bed, I marveled at how extraordinary he is. I can't seem to shake this amazing feeling that he and I share a much stronger bond than I can even imagine. I hardly know him, yet I feel as though he's such an integral part of my life. Ok, yes, he's my son and all, and what mother DOESN'T feel that way? But for me, it seems to go in a different direction. Almost as though there's a unique and beautiful story that has yet to unfold. A story that will shape the course of my history.

Later on this evening, after he'd been asleep for a while, I crept back in to take a peek at him and his sister (I've been doing this every night since Paige was a tiny baby). I leaned over the crib and all of a sudden, was struck with the most intense, unfamiliar feeling. Tears rolled down my face as this twinge grew deeper and deeper, only it wasn't sadness that I felt. It was along the lines of loneliness but not quite the same. Like nothing I've ever encountered before! Maybe it's the difference between having a girl then a boy. Or maybe the fact that he's my 2nd and I know how fast these sweet baby days go by and I don't want to miss a single moment. Or maybe it's a God thing, since He told me months ago, that Xander would be a joy and not a burden, and that we would share a very special bond and he would be "like his mother." Either way, I thank God for every moment of happiness. Each smile, each little baby hug, and every night of waking up to feed him, falling over from exhaustion, yet feeling so overcome with a joy that's so fresh and new for me!

"My son-Every new experience that you bring to my life is like a treasured gift. I don't take anything for granted. I know how quickly life passes, and I'm not about to stand by and let it leave me behind. When I found out that you were a boy in the womb, I cried in fear for over a week. How was I supposed to raise a son? I was just getting used to a daughter! How was I going to go through the teenage years with you when I can't relate to who you are as a young man? My heart ached from anxiety at the unknown. Then we got prayed over in housechurch, and the prophetic word was spoken, "this boy will be raised in a home of rightness. He will bring joy to you wherever he goes. He will be a blessing and a joy, not a burden and another load to bear. He will be like his mother in spirit and you will share a bond that can only come from a God who loves us." I heard these words and wondered how they could EVER be true! Now I know. I see it in your eyes everytime I pick you up from your crib and you smile at me. I feel it when you put your little hand on my shoulder as though to say, 'it's ok, mommy, I'm here.' I sense it in the way your demeanor changes when I talk to you. You are a joy to me. You really are a blessing. I look back and think, 'Wow! God really knows me! He knew how much I needed you.' My entire outlook on life has changed in the matter of a few months and I couldn't imagine it any other way :) I love you, little dude!"

"Every good and perfect gift is from above" James 1:17