A river runs through

As I currently sit here, it is 3 am and there is a crew of men doing demolition to my newly remodeled home. One day, this will be quite a story to tell people. It doesn't seem that funny now, in fact, quite the opposite...pretty much downright unnerving. This home that we've worked so hard for, though small and seemingly insignificant to many people, is like my baby. And tonight, I realized just how truly important it is to me.

At 10 pm I put a load of laundry going, then proceeded to my bedroom to read, thinking it was turning out to be a rare early night for me. At 11 pm, Xander woke up and I fed him. I noticed what sounded like water running, but thinking it was just the fan in the other room, I ignored it. After putting the baby back to bed, I decided to further investigate the source of the sound as it turned out it wasn't the fan. I stumbled into my kitchen and screamed in horror at the sight of my floor flooded in an inch deep of active, moving, flowing water! Alerting Tyler, I bolted into the laundry room to find the washer machine gushing like a fountain. The shut off valve (or something along those lines) had malfunctioned and was wreaking havoc upon our floor.

This initial response was something akin to the experience of a car accident. You're not logical, you simply react. You don't weigh and measure, you conclude and decide. And fast! Grabbing as many towels as we could muster, Tyler and I spent the next half hour mopping and wiping, hyperventilating (me) and crying (me again). I was overcome with dejavu from when I was a young girl racing around the house holding my little sister who was covered in blood from a fall off a water slide. Panic. Just sheer panic at it's finest. Kind of a "headless chicken" type of response, actually :) But my husband has the most amazing strength in the face of the most stress, and his demeanor got me back in control. He could look a charging bull in the face and make a decision, I swear! Anyway, he kept reminding me, "keep worshipping God through this. You can do it. He loves us. We love Him. Remember the words to the song we sang at our wedding? 'You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, 'Lord, blessed be Your name!' Let's keep blessing him, Love." I just adore that man! Immediately, I could feel the peace come over me when I turned the attention from the scary task at hand to the fact that God has such greater plans than what was happening at that moment. Geez! It's just a water spill, right? :/

After wiping up the biggest puddles, we called to make an insurance claim, knowing that most of our floors were ruined. The restoration team came out within an hour and began the process of tearing out floors, drilling holes in walls to air out the inside, and moving appliances in and out. They're gone now, and half my floors are ripped out. Along with that, there are giant blue fans and dehumidifiers riddled all over the house. Ah, what a night!

As Tyler and I sat discussing the matter, we came to the conclusion that for whatever reason, God allowed this to happen NOW, at this point in our lives. At this moment when we're strapped to the bone, wondering how our future is going to look. And yet, we can say with the utmost certainty, now is the best time for this to have happened. It couldn't have happened any better way. We were caught off-guard, like most people in this kind of situation are, but for whatever reason, there were a lot of things that were put in place to prepare us for this. For example, 3 weeks ago, we had another small water leak and had to rip up the carpet in our closet. I've been trying to get that project completed so we could put the carpet back down. If we had replaced the carpet, we would have gone through all that trouble just to tear it back up again, as tonight's water leak seeped through the walls and into the closet. God plan? Absolutely! Also, it happened on a weekend, when I have Tyler home to help me, rather than in the middle of the week where I would have been left to handle it solo. In addition, our kids were asleep, which meant no distractions while we conquered the mess. And lastly, we were at home! Can you imagine the disaster that would have ensued, had we been gone, or outside? Ahhhh! Basically, all this to say, even though this is sad and disconcerting for me in so many ways, God keeps reminding me that it could always be worse. It's really not as frightening as it seems. It's ok for me to be scared, but I don't have to be stuck there.

So Lord, I just thank you that you remind me daily of what a wonderful life I live. I'm so thankful for all the little things, like a shed to store all the stuff we had to remove, or a clothes line to hang all the wet towels. But I also know that it's ok to ask for things that I need. So Lord, I ask for a new washer machine...cuz there's no way I'm running that thing again!

Being a Mom comes with strange emotions

Tonight as I laid my son down for bed, I marveled at how extraordinary he is. I can't seem to shake this amazing feeling that he and I share a much stronger bond than I can even imagine. I hardly know him, yet I feel as though he's such an integral part of my life. Ok, yes, he's my son and all, and what mother DOESN'T feel that way? But for me, it seems to go in a different direction. Almost as though there's a unique and beautiful story that has yet to unfold. A story that will shape the course of my history.

Later on this evening, after he'd been asleep for a while, I crept back in to take a peek at him and his sister (I've been doing this every night since Paige was a tiny baby). I leaned over the crib and all of a sudden, was struck with the most intense, unfamiliar feeling. Tears rolled down my face as this twinge grew deeper and deeper, only it wasn't sadness that I felt. It was along the lines of loneliness but not quite the same. Like nothing I've ever encountered before! Maybe it's the difference between having a girl then a boy. Or maybe the fact that he's my 2nd and I know how fast these sweet baby days go by and I don't want to miss a single moment. Or maybe it's a God thing, since He told me months ago, that Xander would be a joy and not a burden, and that we would share a very special bond and he would be "like his mother." Either way, I thank God for every moment of happiness. Each smile, each little baby hug, and every night of waking up to feed him, falling over from exhaustion, yet feeling so overcome with a joy that's so fresh and new for me!

"My son-Every new experience that you bring to my life is like a treasured gift. I don't take anything for granted. I know how quickly life passes, and I'm not about to stand by and let it leave me behind. When I found out that you were a boy in the womb, I cried in fear for over a week. How was I supposed to raise a son? I was just getting used to a daughter! How was I going to go through the teenage years with you when I can't relate to who you are as a young man? My heart ached from anxiety at the unknown. Then we got prayed over in housechurch, and the prophetic word was spoken, "this boy will be raised in a home of rightness. He will bring joy to you wherever he goes. He will be a blessing and a joy, not a burden and another load to bear. He will be like his mother in spirit and you will share a bond that can only come from a God who loves us." I heard these words and wondered how they could EVER be true! Now I know. I see it in your eyes everytime I pick you up from your crib and you smile at me. I feel it when you put your little hand on my shoulder as though to say, 'it's ok, mommy, I'm here.' I sense it in the way your demeanor changes when I talk to you. You are a joy to me. You really are a blessing. I look back and think, 'Wow! God really knows me! He knew how much I needed you.' My entire outlook on life has changed in the matter of a few months and I couldn't imagine it any other way :) I love you, little dude!"

"Every good and perfect gift is from above" James 1:17

Practice for my dream job...

I haven't been on here in a long time, so I figured I'd better practice blogging to work out the atrophy in my writing muscles. My big dream is to author a book someday. Whether Children's or Young Adults or something in-between, I don't know. But there's a lot on the inside just bursting at the seams waiting to be free, and writing is the way I express my soul and the core of my identity.
This past year has been full of all sorts of interesting and, dare I say, life-changing events, including the birth of our son, Xander, and the latest event...my sister moving in with us. It's been a year of adjusting and focusing on priorities. It hasn't been easy, by any means, but when is anything meaningful ever easy? I really am starting to believe that God won't ever let me take the easy way. I say this in all sincerity, as I am beginning to understand my true nature a little more each day; I live for the adventure in longed-for dreams coming to pass. What a gift it is! To live each day wondering if this is the day God will surprise me. Wondering if maybe, just maybe, that "thing" I'd been praying for will be birthed into life.